Miss INTJ

My thoughts after being at an elementary school today

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 19:18:00 -0500

12/14/2012. This morning, my boss, his wife and another colleague visited an elementary school in Tampa as part of our company’s community giving initiative. We were to deliver the students new & used books and encourage the students to read. Initially I did not want to go because I am not one of those people who deals well with children. I do not wish any harm on them and love meeting the offspring of people I know but overall, I am quite apathetic. When my boss asked me to come because they needed volunteers, my outside voice said enthusiastically “Ok, sure!” because I like having a job, while my inside voice said “aaaaw man! I don’t even really like kids, why me??” To top it off I had to come in early that morning because our scheduled time in the classroom was first thing in the morning. I winced a bit and he said “don’t worry, it’s only 30 minutes earlier and I will drive us all there.”

In the days leading up to this morning I tried to think of what I would say to the students because I don’t really read many books anymore. The extent of my reading these days, Twitter & the captions that come up while I’m playing video games. I thought to myself “hey, I can talk about the video games I have played and liked, and then share how many of them have encouraged me to read.” I remembered how much I loved the BioShock story such that I bought the prequel book and also a copy of “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand. Then I counter thought that their teacher might not appreciate me broaching the topic of games when the point of our visit was to discuss literacy. Then I thought of ways I could possibly get out of even going and then thought how disappointed my boss would be if I dropped out. By the time Thursday evening rolled around, I accepted my fate. I was going to have to go and be around kids.

Come this morning we loaded into his sweet BMW 5-series and I jumped into the back seat so I could have a “Driving Miss Daisy” experience but with race role reversal since my boss is white and I’m black. DENIED. He made me sit in the passenger seat. It was a short drive to the school and I dreaded every moment of it. I still really didn’t want to go.

When we arrived at the school we checked in at the office. The four of us stood a while in the lobby waiting for the Principal and I felt a little uncomfortable. There was absolutely no security at all. I looked up and down the hallways to see where all of the exits were. I don’t know why I thought of that. Maybe it’s a result of growing up in NY, or maybe it’s because of past history with school shooting. It was then I realized that my back was to the door. Earlier this week I read an article on GamesRadar on how stupid AI guards are and one of their topics talked about how they always stand with their back to the door. You have no idea how many AI guards I’ve taken out that way. I then turned my back from the door and was then facing the door. It made me feel a little better.

Eventually we were met by the Principal and then the Vice Principal. Both were very excited to have us there and said how happy the kids were knowing that we were coming and bringing them books that they could keep. It softened me a little bit. Ugh…I’m moving more to the F side of the scale, but I digress. My colleague and I went into one of the 5th grade classrooms and there were about 15 children there smiling. I introduced myself and stated what company I worked for, and then I introduced the book - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Then I read the back of the book to them and handed out the books. Somehow the conversation devolved into video games. I think I said that it was important to read about the topics that interest you and I really like video games and I read many magazines and articles related to them. Then the whirlwind started.

There was one particular student, I will call him “Don”, who asked me a myriad of questions at that point. The overview of our exchange is as follows:

Don: What kind of games do you play?

Me: I really like role playing games where I can use magic.

Don: Do you play Black Ops 2?

Me: No, that is really not my type of game. I will watch other people play it though. Did you know that a man named Oliver North was a consultant on that game? He is a major political figure and if you can use the internet in class, you should research him and learn about his impact in the country.(My attempt to bring it all back to learning and reading)

Don: You should play it. It’s so cool. There are all these guns, and you get a knife.

It was at this point that I got uncomfortable because I am well aware of all the media “correlations” to violence in kids and video games. Not that I thought Don was violent, but I wanted to be sure he understood that he was not going to glorify this game and it’s arsenal. He is only 10 years old and clearly has likely never encountered a real weapon. I’ve been to a gun range. It was VERY hard the first time I ever pulled the trigger and that was just with a paper target.

Me: There are a lot of games where you get weapons and are tasked with missions to harm others, but let me be clear violence is not ok in real life. Games do not always depict the effect of your actions on others, the emotional impact on the world, the sadness of their families and friends having lost a loved one. Always know the difference between the game world and the real world. There are real consequences to violence in the real world.

It was then another student asked what game I was playing at the moment and I told them Far Cry 3. They asked what it was about. I was apprehensive of saying that it’s about getting kidnapped while on vacation with your friends - so I said it’s about a vacation gone pretty bad and being stuck on an island with a bunch of wild animals and pirates. They were thankfully impressed with the emus, tigers and bears (oh my!) so I didn’t need to elaborate on “how” you deal with the wild animals or pirates.

Other topics I was asked about: taxes, what I originally wanted to be when I grew up, what kind of car I drive, how much money I make. Man are kids ever nosy. Ha ha. We then talked about what they wanted to be when they grow up - one female student wants to be a layer and asked me how I felt about the fact that lawyers seem to lie a lot to get criminals out of “rightfully” going to jail. I must say I was so impressed by this question. I told her that I have a very strict moral compass and there is no way I am going to hide anyone’s crime or help them get out of a punishment that they rightfully deserve. I encouraged her to follow her own moral compass in life and not do things that she feels do not point in the same direction as her moral compass. Another said he wanted to be a math teacher, another a doctor and they all seemed so enthusiastic about their futures. At the end of the visit, I had such a feeling of satisfaction that I don’t think I have ever had. They weren’t my kids, but I felt so much hope and pride in them.

On the drive back to the office I thought about all the kids I spoke with and wondered what they would be when they grew up. I smiled to myself. We arrived back at the office it was 9:26 AM, the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut started around 9:40 AM. As I sit here typing this post with tears and shaking hands, there are 18-20 children dead. There are 18-20 fewer inventors, doctors, lawyers, game developers, and entrepreneurs. I watched our President cry. I cried. Had I not gone to that school this morning, I know I would not feel as deeply touched by this as I do. You see, I think of those children I spoke with this morning, that have so much promise, enthusiasm and joy. Those children that have been so callously taken had promise.

My heart truly breaks for everyone involved and affected.

Disclaimer: This post is my own. All opinions reflected in it are my own and not of my employer. My employer does rock though :)

Meet Yve, my vampire hunter in Skyrim.

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 22:20:01 -0400

Not that any one reads my posts, but...

Fri, 04 May 2012 18:22:14 -0400

Lately, I have been really slacking on blog posts. Originally I committed to having at least one post a day. I have many, many ideas for things I should be writing about, as well as about 100 unpublished posts in drafts. I lay blame squarely at the feet of the following people, persons, things, entities etc.:

(1) My daily indulgence of wine in the evenings

(2) The Witcher 2 & Deus Ex for being so freaking awesome AND having such sexy protagonists that I pay for hours and hours on end

(3) The IRS for being the bastards they are.

(4) Work….always getting the way. First gaming, now blog posts!

(5) Procrastination

(6) Anyone else but me

I’ll get back to this blog soon and post some fun stories. I will get back on track. I simply cannot allow myself to be distracted by anyt……hey, isn’t the Game of Thrones RPG coming out soon??

Every store should advertise sales like this.

Fri, 04 May 2012 18:12:30 -0400

Every store should advertise sales like this.

oatmeal: update from the author A lot of people seem grumpy...

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 15:11:15 -0400

oatmeal:

*update from the author*

A lot of people seem grumpy about my latest comic about online gaming as a girl.

I wasn’t implying that girls suck at games. I was implying two things:

When girls play, often times no one takes them seriously.

If they screw up, often times the room is filled with lonely dudes who say things like “LOL that’s okay! Will you marry me?” If I screw up I get eviscerated.

In short: a terrible female gamer gets away with way more than a terrible male gamer (like me).

This came from my recent escapades playing Left4Dead online.

Again, I meant no ill toward lady gamers.

-Matthew

My Take on "Retake Mass Effect"

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 16:53:42 -0400

After reading the latest news that the BBB is weighing in on the Mass Effect ending, I have to voice my opinion on “the internets”. I have not had many discussions with individual people about the ME3 ending, but I have read many articles on this topic since I can’t seem to get away from them. Hell, this got so big even Forbes magazine weighed in. I think some people saw the Occupy Wall Street movement, got high, took it to left field and came up with “Retake Mass Effect”. This whole movement is incredibly disturbing to me.

Firstly, I really love video games. They provide me a level of entertainment that is not easily rivaled by any other medium. Up until recently many RPG fans would agree BioWare is one of the greatest storytellers in the industry. The last thing I want is for the writers at BioWare (or any other studio) to become disenchanted and turned off from making great games, and giving us a great story in the process. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Dragon Age 2, but I sure didn’t post that to any forum or tweet about it. I know I am not a good story teller, nor can I write game code or whatever their whole process is. So, I leave all of that to the experts and I think others should do the same. BioWare is not Burger King, so you’re not going to have it your way. This entire movement is adversely impacting the entire gaming industry in terms of it’s reach outside of just the normal gaming news outlets. We look like a bunch of damn toddlers throwing a tantrum.

Secondly, the major theme in the midst of this debacle is one of “closure”, or in this case the lack thereof. Closure, from a game? You’re kidding me right? I would hate to date any of these people who are out there demanding “closure” or a new ending to the game because their behavior borders on Lifetime movie territory. All of the elements are already there: love, passion, end of relationship, stalking, harassment. All that’s missing at this point is someone going to jail and given the way things are going that may very well be coming soon. It’s over. Put on your big girl panties, big boy undies and deal with it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for having an opinion. However, all of this negative attention being drawn to the gaming industry will prove to be detrimental in the long run.

Disclaimer: I did not play Mass Effect 2 or 3. I do NOT have to have played them to know that people are being dicks.

PAX East 2012

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 20:46:13 -0400

I went to PAX East in Boston this weekend and had an absolute blast. It was wonderful to be around other gamers for a few days, and get a chance to meet some of the Devs and Creative Directors of some of my favorite games. This was truly a unique experience for me as I have never been to a Con of any kind. The sweetest part for me was meeting so many other gamer girls, especially the lovely women of Gaming Angels.

Usually when I am going out for a night on the town, I listen to “party” music to get me in the mood. Not that I needed a song to get excited about PAX, but for some reason I got a song in my head about PAX to the rhythm of the song “Shots” by LMFAO. I am pretty sure someone has already written a song like this to the same tune, but I haven’t heard it so I made my own. I will type out the lyrics here and let people use their imagination for the rest. NO, I will NOT record myself singing this but someone else should feel free and give credit where it’s due.

PAX!

V1: When I walk in the Con, all eyes on me. I’m in a cosplay crew, so take pics of me. I like board games, PC n’ console. I got my 3-day pass, PAXEast is on.

Chorus: PAX x 16. Everybody! PAX x 16

V2: The Devos love it, when we dress up. We go to their panels, for a chance to speak up. I came to have fun, how about you? Time on this demo’s up? What, no round 2?

Chorus: PAX x 16. Everybody! PAX x 16

Someone should finish this song. I have lyrics for the way it ends but it’s even more lame than these other lyrics so I’ll just keep those to myself. Perhaps if you catch me extremely inebriated for PAX Prime you might just get to hear the rest of it. Until then……

Scoleciphobia - Fear of Worms

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 19:27:35 -0400

Another of my phobias is of worms. Prior to moving to FL, this was my most crippling phobia of all. I missed many classes in college because of it. Earthworms tend to come out of the ground when it rains, so whenever it rained I was very reluctant to go to class. If it were raining for a number of hours before my class I was more inclined to go. Otherwise, forget it.

I developed this phobia as the result of a traumatic childhood experience. Picture it, Jamaica (the island not Queens!), 1981. There I was, walking to church with my older brother and our neighbors. Apparently during our walk we passed under a tree that was home to some silk worms. I arrive at church and sit down. At some point during the service I looked down and saw about 20 worms all over my lap and instantly let out a blood curdling scream. Imagine the screen queen screams from old B horror movies. That is the type of scream I let out. I couldn’t even speak because I was just so terrified of those little green worms all over my church dress. I can remember the Pastor stopped speaking and everyone turned to look at me wondering what was going on. My neighbors mother whisked me outside and dusted all the worms off. I don’t really remember what happened after that. I probably passed out for all know. What I do know is that to this day I am terrified of worms or anything that even looks like a worm such as caterpillars and centipedes.

Nosocomephobia

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 20:30:37 -0400

My second phobia is of hospitals. I can count on one hand the number of times I have ever willingly gone into a hospital. There is no fear getting some random debilitating disease such as flesh eating bacteria. What terrifies me is the mental ward that most hospitals have. Crazy people are crazy!

Do you see this writing on the wall? Good. Who cares what it says. What matters is that it is written in blood. Note the sign indicating this is a hospital. This was what greeted me when I entered the “Medical Pavillion” level in Bioshock. If you have never played the game, you are missing out on one of the greatest video games ever created (based on storyline). The moment I saw this, I saved my game and exited. It was far too much for me to handle. I already knew the residents of Rapture were crazy and I genuinely feared having to deal with them in a hospital setting. It took me one week to get through this level because I could only play for 10-15 min at a time due to the anxiety. I did ONLY what needed to be done. No exceptions, no deviations, audio diaries be damned. I know splicers don’t exist, but crazy sure people do!

Entomophobia

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 13:04:26 -0400

I have taken drastic steps to prevent bugs from coming in. Right now there is so much pesticide in my apartment, I’m surprised I haven’t grown an extra limb or a tail. I also put masking tape all around my doorway at nighttime so no rogue roaches can venture in, which in turn means that I don’t leave the house after dark. I don’t really think I “can” leave the house after dark. The very thought of all the bugs creeping around outside is terrifying and I feel much safer inside with my cats and my spray.

My fear has lead to some rather comical, yet crippling moments in my real world and my gaming world. Here is one of these experiences written in the format of “The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe.

Once upon a Wednesday eve so giddy, while I raided in FFXIV with my guildies,
For hours upon hours filled with much slaying and looting. Yet, we thirst for more.
While we celebrated together on ventrilo, suddenly there came a tapping,
As if someone gently rapping, rapping at my apartment door.
“‘Tis the wind,” I muttered, “tapping at my apartment door;
Only this, and nothing more.”

My attentions returned to the screen, but my heart grew keen
To know why my cat so hastily turned her attentions to the apartment door.
Her tail moved with a hasty sway, I could tell by her wide eyed look she had found some prey.
Hesitantly I looked over to see, something that scared the living hell out of me.
It was a roach, a large dark beast, behind the tape on my door.
This vile creature, rapping at my door?? How can this be? I live on the third floor?

My body was frozen with fear, as I watched the beast proceed the tape to tear.
It is not possible to underscore, how much tape was used from ceiling to floor,
To protect me in the dead of night, from this beast I was now destined to fight.
“Wretched creature, please just go away!” I started to implore, “I beg you to leave, go down to a lower floor!”
But the beast did not care for, any other apartment or another door
It was here to take over. Oh hell no, this was an act of war.

Onward I marched into the kitchen, to arm myself with my trusty bug spray and latex mitten.
No more would I entreat this intruder, as it had much to answer for.
For the crime of interrupting my guild raid and attempting to enter my home, I would ensure this beast nevermore would roam.
“You vile, disgusting creature, I bet you did not prepare for, this can of Raid I picked up from the hardware store.
When all is said and done and this battle is o’er,
There will only be death for you, nothing more.”

From the safe distance of three feet hence, with a loud cry I let the spraying commence
And coated the entire apartment door.
In the midst of the chemical warfare launched, my enemy attempted to remain staunch.
Unable to fight the poison, the beast yet died within my apartment door.
Why can’t all insects just stay on the mezzanine floor?
I can’t go through this again! No, nevermore.

Phobias? Phobias.

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 13:53:18 -0400

According to the medical dictionary a phobia is “an intense but unrealistic fear that can interfere with the ability to socialize, work, or go about everyday life, brought on by an object, event or situation.” Short and simple it’s an irrational fear. As an INTJ I disdain knowing there is anything in/about my life that is “irrational” because I am so prone to reasoning and problem solving.

I have three crippling phobias. The first is entomophobia or the fear of insects. If I were trapped in a room with a bug and there was a cyanide capsule present, I would likely swallow the pill to save myself or just will myself to die. I’m not afraid that they will bite me and give me some incurable disease, nor am I afraid of the pain resulting from simply being bitten or stung. I’m not even afraid of a bug settling in my ear, embedding an egg sack in my inner ear so that one day all I feel are itty bitty bugs crawling around in my ear. Well actually, I am afraid of that. Ugh!

What really terrifies me about bugs, especially large ones is the number of legs they have. I am afraid that if one gets on me and manages to take a few steps that I will never mentally recover from the feeling of all those legs touching me.

It could happen! Yet I moved from NY to FL, the insect capital of the USA.

Photo

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 15:23:00 -0500

Miss INTJ

My thoughts after being at an elementary school today

Meet Yve, my vampire hunter in Skyrim.

Not that any one reads my posts, but...

Every store should advertise sales like this.

oatmeal: *update from the author* A lot of people seem grumpy...

My Take on "Retake Mass Effect"

PAX East 2012

Scoleciphobia - Fear of Worms

Nosocomephobia

Entomophobia

Phobias? Phobias.

Photo

oatmeal: update from the author A lot of people seem grumpy...